Mrs. Smith Goes Meatpacking

Oh yeah, I’m packing. (Allegedly)Remy Ma, Rap star (real name Remy Smith but I guess Smith just isn’t hardcore enough and the only things that really rhyme with Smith are “Fifth”, “Myth” and “Dark Lord Sith”…not exactly a plethora of rap songs that work with those.) And do NOT bring up Will Smith as an example of a rapper. I love Will. He’s an actor. If some of your best material includes lines like “The new millennium, yo excuse me Willennium” and makes reference to “Dick Clark holding it down”, you are not a rapper.  

So…..According to Court TV News (www.courttv.com), Remy Ma, a Grammy-nominated rapper, pleaded not guilty to attempted murder and a few other counts Sunday after she decided to solve her problem by pulling out a pistol and popping a cap (Allegedly.) in Makeda Barnes-Joseph (23 yrs old). Police said the woman had been shot in the lower torso and was found in a trendy New York neighborhood known as the Meatpacking District where, only a few blocks away Remy’s SUV was spotted crashed up and abandoned.  

Ok…….. are you frickin’ kidding me? First of all, Remy, did you think that maybe, just maybe after you popped one off in another woman (allegedly) who you probably got in an argument with over some Maury Povitch Show style punk with kids in more zip codes than Barnes & Noble that you should at least be able to maneuver the getaway car more than a few frickin’ blocks? Genius! And for the record, showing my southern ignorance I am certain, but an area known as the “Meatpacking District” is trendy? That makes about as much sense as Donald Trump taking Rosie O’Donnell to the prom. You see, when I think of upscale areas I think of Melrose Place or Southfork or something that doesn’t involve guys in white coats shrink wrapping mountain oysters and rump roasts. When I think “trendy”, converting Wilbur into some tasty breakfast sausage with extra sage doesn’t seem to have the feel I want for an evening out. But then again, maybe that’s why Remy shot that woman. (Allegedly.) Maybe she got all blinged out and rolled the SUV down to the “Meatpacking District” and said, “What the …..this is just a bunch of one story industrial complexes full of 18 wheelers and guys in flannel shirts. Awww hell to the hell to the hell to the naw! Someone’s getting blasted up in here. Nobody does that to Remy Smith, er, Ma. Don’t they know who I am?

Yes, Ms. Smith, we do. You are yet another crazy going to jail for using your gun instead of your brain. (Allegedly.) On the bright side, with all the extra time you’ll have in jail, maybe you can come up with a few more rhymes for Smith. Dumbass. Stay tuned for trial news.  

Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images via Rolling Stone (www.rollingstone.com)