Amy Winehouse Lights Up

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How incredibly sad and low she has gone.  And DUDE!!  Chickie needs to get new friends!!


Marion Jones Sentenced

marion_jones529.jpgFormer Olympic gold medalist, Marion Jones,  was sentenced on January 11th to six months in prison according to the upcoming January 28th People Magazine.

She was convicted for lying to the Feds about her use of performance enhancing drugs AND for a check-fraud scam.   You’ll remember she also had her medals revoked.

She has to surrender March 11th, where I’m sure she’ll be putting her track and field skills to work runnin’ from the wimmins.

Photo: blackathlete.com


Short-Time Inmates

In an article on usatoday.com, a short roster:

Lindsay Lohan
Offense: Misdemeanor DUI charges related to her involvement in a high-speed chase in July.
Sentence: 1 day in jail.
Actual time spent: 84 minutes.
Details: As part of a plea bargain, the Mean Girls star was supposed to enter rehab, spend a day in jail and perform community service. She checked in at 10:30 a.m. on Nov. 15, was placed in a holding cell wearing her street clothes and was freed at 11:54 a.m. Lohan was given credit for 24 hours already served and opted for 10 days of community service rather than two days in jail — thus fulfilling the minimum sentence of four days for a second DUI offense. Part of her community service will be two four-hour days working in a morgue.
Facility: Los Angeles County Sheriff Department’s Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, Calif.

Paris Hilton
Offense: Violated probation, received from reckless-driving charges involving alcohol, by driving with a suspended license
Sentence: 45 days in jail.
Actual time spent: 23 days.
Details: After spending three days in a jail cell in June, the hotel heiress was put under house arrest because of undisclosed medical reasons. Then she was ordered back to jail to finish her sentence. When told she would actually be held responsible for her actions, she shouted “It’s not right!” and called for her mother. The image of a crying Hilton being taken back to jail from court was published around the world. At least she scored a Larry King interview out of the ordeal.
Facility:  Los Angeles County Sheriff Department’s Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, Calif.

Nicole Richie
Offense: Driving the wrong way on a highway while under the influence last December. It was her second DUI conviction in four years.
Sentence: 90 hours in jail and three years’ probation.
Actual time spent: 82 minutes
Details: It’s only fitting that Richie, who rode Hilton’s coattails into fame with their show The Simple Life, would ride the heiress’s coattails all the way to jail. Appropriately, her brief stay was at the same jail where Hilton did time. What actually happened inside between 3:15 p.m. and 4:37 p.m. on Aug. 23 is sketchy. She was released “based on her sentence and federal guidelines,” Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Deputy Maribel Rizo told the Associated Press without elaborating. When asked if Richie, four months pregnant at the time, spent any of the 82 minutes in a jail cell, Rizo declined to comment.
Facility:  Los Angeles County Sheriff Department’s Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, Calif.

Mike Tyson
Offense:  Driving under the influence and possession of cocaine in Arizona.
Sentence: 1 day in prison, three years’ probation, 360 hours community service and drug treatment.
Actual time spent: 24 hours.
Details: The oft-troubled heavyweight boxer spent his day in jail reading the book American Gangster and feasting on bologna for “brunch” and a sloppy joe for dinner, according to The Arizona Republic. Tyson was pulled over in December 2006 after police saw his car driving erratically in Scottsdale, Ariz.
Facility: Tent City, an open-air prison outside of Phoenix, where Tyson wore the jail-issue pink underwear and black-and-white striped jumpsuit. His tent was separated from the rest of the inmates by a fence.

Michelle Rodriguez
Offense: Violation of probation by failing to complete community service, and falsifying documents saying she did, from previous drunken-driving and hit-and-run convictions.
Sentence: 180 days in jail.
Actual time spent: 18 days.
Details: After her release from jail in L.A. due to overcrowding in 2006, when she served one day of a 60-day sentence, the former Lost star was sentenced to go back to jail for a 180-day stint because of probation violations. (In another 2006 case in Hawaii, Rodriguez opted for a jail sentence after being charged with driving under the influence.) After checking into jail on Dec. 23 for the latest case, the sheriff released Rodriguez after she served 10% of her sentence due to overcrowding.
Facility: Los Angeles County Sheriff Department’s Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, Calif.

Gary Collins
Offense: DUI in L.A.
Sentence: 4 days in jail, 4 years’ probation and 100 hours community service.
Actual time spent: 4 days.
Details: Collins, an actor and TV host, was ruled not at fault when a car collided into his in the early evening of Oct. 23. Police then determined the star was possibly drunk and had Collins attempt a field sobriety test, which he failed. The driver of the car, 89-year-old Warren Gates, died Dec. 10. Since Collins pleaded no contest to DUI, TMZ.com reported, double jeopardy applied, and no manslaughter charges were filed. Additionally, the website reported that Gates caused the crash by making an illegal left turn, and in order to prosecute for manslaughter, the D.A. must prove that Collins caused the accident.
Facility: Glendale, Calif., City Jail.


Keifer Sutherland Released From Jail

Keifer mug shotI have a confession to make. I love Keifer. I have ever since Lost Boys. I think he’s sexy and smart and a great actor. I give you that little tidbit so that you’ll know that cannot be snarky about my Keifer ever. It will not happen.

And he’s been released! A little after midnight today. According to the Glendale Police Department, he was an excellent inmate because he is indeed my Keifer. Of course, he won’t be going back to filming 24. Stoopid WGA strike.

Photo: etonline.com


MLK – The Ultimate Star

I know that this blog is a snarky commentary about all the trouble that stars get themselves into.  But today – I’m detouring  a bit.  Usually, here, “star” is someone in the film/music/theater/tv industries.   Today I’m talking about a star as someone in the public eye.

I just want to take a moment and remember the star, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  A man about whom many much more eloquently than I, have shared their views.  A man, I hope, is known to all.  If you have the day off – please – remember him as well.  He is the reason, after all.

This is a man who went to jail, and ultimately was assassinated for his dream.  He’s earned the right to be remembered.

MLK MLK Speech

Photos: cnn.com & abbeville.com


Amy Winehouse Goes To Court

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According to Perez

(Who Are his sources?? Can I have them?)

Amy Winehouse was late to court on Friday for her hubby, Blake Fielder’s trial. She showed up just before the end of that particular hearing.

Apparently she was wearing nasty clothes… At least for a court appearance.

Appearing to sway on her feet and needing the support of family and friends, Winehouse caused a commotion at Snaresbrook Crown Court in east London.

Upon entering the courtroom Albino Wino mouthed: “I love you” and blew kisses to her 25-year-old husband as he left the dock.

She then yelled “Love you handsome, gorgeous one” as the judge discussed legal matters with lawyers.

Am I the only one who thinks she inappropriately dressed? Both for the appearance – it was Court for Pete’s Sake! (ever wonder who Pete is?) – And woman! Wear a freakin’ coat. It’s London in January! And you lost all that weight, so you haven’t got any insulation. Unless you’re on drugs. Which, of course you’re not.

And also – did she embarrass her husband? Picture this… Putting myself in Blake’s place.

I’m sitting there, trying to look dignified and get away with it not guilty, and there’s my woman, looking like a coke whore, screaming that she loves me. Hmmmm.

Did he sink down in his seat in shame? The report doesn’t say.

Photo: UKReuters.com


Introduction – some changes afoot

Hello all!  I’m your new writer here at Stars Behind Bars!  Name’s Michele and I’m addicted to celebrity gossip.  Been a people watcher since a child (blame my mom for that) and it just never stopped.

There may or may not be changes afoot as I, you know, repaint and recarpet, and decide what furniture to buy…  But rest assured, you’ll still get your celebrity legal do’s and don’ts.

Now there’s a regular writer on board (shhhh – that’s me…) the entries will be picking up.  Which brings me to my real intent…  What would YOU like to see as a regular feature here?  Let me know with that little clicky comment thing.


Houdini Lohan is at it again

lindsay51.jpgMy good friends at Wizbang Pop say that, according to my other good friends at TMZ, that Lindsay Lohan has provided massive sexual favors made good choices with her attorneys.  The word on the streets…(and again, let me remind you that I do come from the mean streets of
Bryant, Arkansas. DON’T YOU LAUGH! You think minding your business walking down the street when some punk in a 69 Chevelle Supersport purposely uses his tires to jettison water on you is child’s play? Hardly, my friends. That water could have some serious germs in it. Or I might catch a cold from being wet. Or, a pebble could hit me in the ear so hard that it cuts my lobe. That’s dangerous living.) …anyway, as you laugh at my pain, the word on the streets is that the District Attorney has opted not to pursue felony charges on Lindsay for DUI or for bringing a bag of frickin’ blow into the police station. Are you frickin’ kidding me? I could bring a plastic baggie with two crosstops so old they would have to get CSI to carbon date the shit and the next thing you know I’d be in a maximum security prison being turned into Jerry Don’s personal funhouse. All misdemeanors? Awww jiminy frickin’ tickle my nads Elmo. How the hell does that work? Well, I imagine it is very similar to my prison story. Only replace me with Lindsay Lohan and Jerry Don with her attorneys, the arresting officers, the judge, the bailiff, the dispatcher, the paddywagon driver…..hell, we don’t have time to cover the whole list. Just open the
Hollywood, California phone book and all the people on the white pages. That should be pretty close to accurate. Anyway….sadly, stand by for the misdemeanor news that’s sure to set the tabloids on fire soon. Hell, me taking a dump is bigger news than that. She doesn’t even have to show up in court. Nice work, houdini….I think I’m going to log off now and weep for a while.


Like cockroaches, Pete Doherty cannot be killed…unless it’s by George Michael

pete-doherty-12.jpgAmazing….according to my good friend, Perez Hilton, somehow, someway, human drug processing machine, Pete Doherty, was released after only a night in jail DESPITE being picked up with drugs. You gotta be frickin’ kidding me! Apparently, in England, the only way you can be put in prison for drugs is A) if you shank the queen in the temple with your heroin needle or B) if you accidentally try to hide your stash in someone’s anus other than your own…unless of course that someone happens to be George Michael, in which case you could cram all the heroin you wanted in each other’s bunghole beneath a stoplight without fear of actual charges. Or in the park. Or during tea at midday. Or at the opera. Pretty much, if you’re with George Michael you cannot be arrested. As a matter of fact, he might be the only man alive who could take out that human can opener, Prince Charles, without any retribution. There you have it. George Michael, the perfect hitman. Why the hell do Brits love George so much? I guess you gotta have faith. Well, in spite of the fact I said something that lame, I do NOT have faith that Pete Doherty will ever be put in prison. My wager is on him being found dead in an alley and the cops showing up just in time to see a slightly pudgy guy in a leather jacket and a five o’clock shadow slinking off in the night humming the melody to Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.   Anyway…..if you love drugs and are completely gay, get your Pete Doherty calendar HERE Picture via The Hollywood Gossip


Welcome to the Skank Triathalon

britney-3994001.jpgWell, here’s another person who has apparently sucked on the ole crack pipe a little too long. Shannon Funk, Britney’s former assistant, was served a subpoena when she got off the airplane at JFK International Airport to which she spouted, “I’m on Team Britney.” Yeah, that’s a team that’s destined to win….if it’s a race to see which mutant ho’s can win the triathalon. The three events? Sleep with ten (10) men in ten (10) days while funneling Stoli’s vodka and then driving across town for a pack of Mentos, flash your crotch at least five (5) times in a week in the craziest way imaginable (bonus points if it is shaved and or has a fancy design) and finally, have a complete mental breakdown that results in blowing spit bubbles and fingerpainting with your own doo doo.  Yep, that’s the team I want to belong to.  Stay tuned for more subpoenas coming to a skank near you.