Drunksy Snorts Again!

lindsay.jpgOh for God’s sake….only Lindsay Lohan Drunksy Blowhan could be stupid enough to A) Drive drunk on a suspended license and B) show up to jail with some blow on her. I mean, daaaaayyyyuummmm…..how bad off do you have to be to have to have a little toot EVEN at the Po-Po house? Bringin’ your blow to the police station….wow. I mean, come on, even 12 year old punks know to flush the weed down the crapper when the knock comes.  Our good friends at TMZ report that, since the judges don’t like it when crimes occur so close together, Lindsay Drunksy could get up to six years for this little adventure. But, let’s review, shall we? Paris got 45 days for virtually the same crime and did like half that. Although Lindsay Drunksy is a complete idiot like Paris, she is still way hotter and had some blow in her pocket so that means the judge might sentence Continue Reading

Drunksy Arrested!(on paper)

lindsay-funny.jpgWell, you knew it was coming. 

 Lindsay Lohan Drunksy Blowhan turned herself in for the DUI / cocaine possession. And all I can say is …DAMN!  

I was really hoping for the whole white Bronco, slow speed chase where the camera would pan in and she’d have had a stripper pole installed in the back seat. She’d be doing Olympic-quality crotch flashing and all the while the driver would be furiously funneling cocaine down some homemade tubing superglued to her nostril. She’d poke her crazy head out the window and yell, “Love me world. I am woman! Hear me…..hey, driver…..did you stop the coke flow? I will f’ing cut you! Nobody stops my coke flow! And where’s my vodka tonic? It better not have spilled because of your bad driving. Now what was I saying? Oh yeah! LOVE ME WORLD! I am woman! Hear me roar!”

Well, at least that’s how the movie screen in my head saw it going down. That’s a scary theater….very scary.  

Anyway, the boring details are that Lindsay Drunksy walked in on her own and posted a $30,000 bond. She is now free to continue her pilgrimage to Skankonia without restriction. Oh joy!  

Stay tuned for more details.

Picture via Showbiz Sky

Mike, simply put, You suck.

vick-pic.jpgThe Atlanta Falcon’s ridiculously sucky quarterback, Michael Vick, has been indicted by a Federal Grand Jury for orchestrating a dog fighting operation. His operation, “Bad Newz Kennels”, was so gruesome that losing dogs either died in the pit or were electrocuted, drowned, hanged or shot.  

What does that mean for ole Mike Vick’s future? Well, let me put it like this: Continue Reading

Drunksy Knows Fashion!


Hollywood’s latest fashion accessory du jour of starlets everywhere?

Charm bracelet? Waaay off.

Bellybutton ring? So yesterday.

What about an alcohol blood level monitor? DING DING DING DING! We have a winner!

Lindsay Lohan Drunksy Blohan is seen here styling the season’s hotly anticipated Versace BLM. That Drunksy! Such a trendsetter! (click the pic for close up version!)

How long before she joins Team Paris and Team Richie for a lovely, expense paid trip toCamp Jailbird? With her pending DUI / Coke bust trial date arriving soon, she may soon experience all the hospitality of
Hollywood’s haven for halfwits aka the penal system. I am pretty certain I heard God ask me last night to quit praying for Drunksy to be put in a cell with the most militant lesbian ever. But, then again, maybe that was just gas.

 Picture via Celebslam

Mrs. Smith Goes Meatpacking

Oh yeah, I’m packing. (Allegedly)Remy Ma, Rap star (real name Remy Smith but I guess Smith just isn’t hardcore enough and the only things that really rhyme with Smith are “Fifth”, “Myth” and “Dark Lord Sith”…not exactly a plethora of rap songs that work with those.) And do NOT bring up Will Smith as an example of a rapper. I love Will. He’s an actor. If some of your best material includes lines like “The new millennium, yo excuse me Willennium” and makes reference to “Dick Clark holding it down”, you are not a rapper.  

So…..According to Court TV News (www.courttv.com), Remy Ma, a Grammy-nominated rapper, pleaded not guilty to attempted murder and a few other counts Sunday after she decided to solve her problem by pulling out a pistol and popping a cap (Allegedly.) in Makeda Barnes-Joseph (23 yrs old). Police said the woman had been shot in the lower torso and was found in a trendy New York neighborhood known as the Meatpacking District where, only a few blocks away Remy’s SUV was spotted crashed up and abandoned.  

Ok…….. are you frickin’ kidding me? First of all, Remy, did you think that maybe, just maybe after you popped one off in another woman (allegedly) who Continue Reading

Anger is a beautiful thing aka I’m pissed AGAIN!

Your Angry, Angry GuideWell, well, well…..you just can’t ever tell what will show up like a cat turd that’s been under the end table for two years because I didn’t see it there when I put the table down. I wondered what that smell was but it went stale after a while….just an occasional whiff of Kitty’s evacuated Fancy Feast and ammonia -I guess I just kinda got used to it. Anyway, some of you may know me from my Friday appearances on The Corey and Jay Show (www.coreyandjayshow.com) on 100.3 FM The Edge where my rants as Patrick the Angry, Angry Viewer are legendary. Well, that may be a little heavy-handed. Ummm, let’s try popular. Wait, that could also be overstated a bit. Ummm, well, at least listeners don’t usually change the station when I come on. Mostly, they don’t. Maybe turn it down a bit and listen to highway noise. Yet, they indulge me and allow me to show up every Friday and do my thing at 7:15 in the AM. Then again, you may not hear me on air but you might know my crazed fury from the blog http://angryinhollywood.blogspot.com where I am the constant pimple on the ass of celebrities.  But, thanks to court, litigation and incarceration being the new, hip celebrity fashion accessories of our time, I must dedicate an entire blog just to give you, my Anger Allies, a guided tour along the celebrity walk of shame that leads to Stars Behind Bars. Here I will go to task to give you the dirt you want and need so badly. I know you crave it. You know you crave it. Why fight it? You wanna know who got popped by the po-po? Stars Behind Bars. You wanna know which celeb said what crazy Shiite when they got that DUI? Stars Behind Bars. You want the grittiest, grimiest courtroom truth all delivered with complete irreverence and sarcasm? Stars Behind Bars. Let’s face it, we go to the zoo to see monkeys because they make us laugh.. Well, welcome to the Zoo. The Celebrity Moron Zoo. The Zoo of Star-powered Turds. The Zoo of They Did What? They lock up the stars, we lock up the laughs. Mark this one as a favorite and get ready!